Day 29: My House

Horrorgami_AddamsFamily_3In the middle of our street. Our house… Yeah, I couldn’t stop. Me and the ear worms. My mind never shuts up. I can be singing two songs at once, like now. Confusing? Maybe, but mash-ups are a thing so I’m going with it! Weird is good.

Today’s delving question is…If your mind was a house, what would the house look like?

I’d have to say, it would be something between Jack Skellington’s house from the Nightmare Before Christmas with its odd, thin, crookedly angled towers and the Addams family house full of oddities and secret rooms that lead into one another or dump you out the front. Even the gate is aware and traps people in order to keep them out. Add a moat and you have it. Sounds pretty close to me.

There would have to be an attic or two full of thoughts I haven’t seen for years, all dusty and forgotten and a basement where I’ve shoved the things I don’t want to think about, overgrown with thorns and vines to dissuade myself from getting too close. There’s a mysterious beast living down there that fires up the anger at the drop of a hat without my knowing why…most likely because something buried there almost came to light.

The rooms are lushly furnished with velvet drapes and fancy moldings, full of scroll work, carvings and walls covered in paintings. Shadows pass along the walls, eyes shine from the darkness and dramas play out behind every door with a familiar set of characters, lit by candles along the walls. There are often earthquakes that shake the building, like the House of Usher, it’s built on shaky ground but on the bright side, the curse is a myth and retrofits have begun.

There are always new visitors who appear from nowhere and create their own stories; each room is populated by at least one. Some rooms are long neglected and cold, some warm and inviting full of laughter and books. It often rains and plunges the house into darkness, making the shadows darker and a heavy feeling overtakes the place, but like all storms they pass.

It’s the most comforting of houses though its labyrinthine halls each are haunted, it holds sweet memories of the past. sweet smells of celebrations past float through and make the paintings that remind come alive. Plants and flowers line window boxes, a touch of oft unnoticed femininity.

There is a room, of course, of kitsch, complete with velvet Elvis, pink flamingos and various bits of ephemera from different periods. There are lost rooms mixed up and uncatalogued; a ticket from a play, a velvet coat from the opera in the style of Mozart, a 1940’s style phone. It is the room of lost things; a place to sift through and reminisce on a rainy day with a pot of tea.

I love the place, gain solace from it. Anyone else would get lost. Hell, I do, but it’s at least an entertaining place to spend an afternoon, or a lifetime.

Day 27 – I Heart…

DreamStuff Makeup Ad SqTalk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.  I hate having to come up with positive things about myself. It’s so uncomfortable, probably because we’re so conditioned to see flaws all the time in ourselves and others. Usually those negatives are physical and I’ve yet to find something about my body I love, except maybe the fact that my eyes can look pretty cool if I wear the right colors. OK, my legs are pretty fabulous, but that’s not the kind of answer I need.

It’s taken a few laps around the building to get my ideas going but I actually came up with more than one. I like my loyalty and my unique aesthetic, my dry humor and my patience. I really like my resilience and my strength which I have depended on a lot lately. Since the question asks what I really, really, really love, I’d better get out of “like-land”. That was a lot of “really”s. I suppose that means I should gather up all of my valley girl enthusiasm and like totally really think about this one.

Self love is something that just keeps coming up to slap me in the face. It’s the one thing I always try to avoid working on and I’m not sure why. Again, discomfort. Have you ever done those exercises where you have to look in the mirror and profess your love to yourself out loud? Well, I always feel weird doing that. I can come up with a thousand flaws in about a millisecond. It takes a lot more effort to flip the coin and that’s a clear sign that I need to take steps to answer this question seriously. In fact, maybe I should make myself answer this question every day and every day require a different answer. Good idea, Renee. Thank You. High Five!

I suppose I like my conversations with myself too which leads me to thinking about the fact that there really is something about myself that I really appreciate and yes, even love. I love my imagination. I love that I can close my eyes and be in a different world where I can make up people, things and circumstances and have them feel real. I love that I can escape into my mind to get away from the million mundane and awful things that can happen on any given day. I love that it’s so vivid and I love the fact that it’s all mine when I want it to be. I love turning tiny images into stories. I love my characters and their style. I love the surprises and the strong plot twists I didn’t see coming. I love that there are no limits and that I can change things whenever I feel a change in myself. I love that I can work things out that way, through images and other people’s stories. I love the cleanliness of it. It’s the sweetest gift I have been blessed with and that maybe I can share.

It has its dark side and it can definitely drive me crazy leading me down dark paths of thought. I definitely can spend too much time there. I can definitely over think things that are probably figments of it. Even with the drawbacks, though, I think I prize it above all other parts of myself.  It doesn’t take crunches at the gym or endless therapy or self-help books to maintain. It just requires that I keep using it which I hope I can until the end of my days. I still sort of wish I had been able to say I really love my butt in these jeans but I can just pretend that too…