Evaluation Day

Parenting. What an adventure. Like Jeff Goldblum said of kids in Jurassic Park, anything can and does happen.  It’s D day. Doctor Day. It’s bound to be the beginning of a gauntlet of hoops both fiery and razor-wire wrapped that I’m going to have to jump through to figure out how to get the boy through school successfully.

Since second grade I’ve had the inkling that my kid lives in his head. Hell, so do I. We have great big imaginations, he and I. The real world can’t compete most days. The problem though, is that most teachers find that to be a problem. While most of them so far have agreed that he’s a brilliant and creative kid, he just has problems getting through the structured environment that is the classroom to get his work done.

A while ago, I discovered that wheat was a problem. It made him spin out. It also made me a bloated walrus of a craving carb fiend. Bad all around, so we eliminated it. That move made a huge difference for that school year. He calmed down, things were better for us both. His teacher loved him, he adored her and worked hard. There was no sign of a “meeting” about his student success. Last year, things were a little iffy. His teachers weren’t the most communicative but they assured me he was doing fine, so I took their word.

This year, however, almost from the outset, I’ve heard terms like “severe ADHD” and that he can’t focus for more than a few minutes. They’re concerned for his lack of “success as a student” and we already have a meeting planned. Back to that. It sounds like these teachers also like the boy. They find him to be sensitive and brilliant in that creative way that eludes most people, but just try to get him to sit down to finish a math worksheet when he wants to listen to the music the birds are making and the kid’s pencil next to him is obscuring the sound. He can’t sit still. He’s big on sound effects. He’s in his head. I know all of this and I both feel for him and fear for him.

While I want him to get the best out his school experience, because I loved school and learning everything I could, I don’t want him to lose himself. He’s a wonderful creative kid. I’m basically afraid that they’ll try to drug the awesome right out of my kid and that’s where my Mama Bear fight is coming up in spades. Yes, he needs to succeed. Yes, he needs to be able to balance, but yes, he also needs to be safe and be able to be himself. Somewhere there is going to be an argument I feel. I’ve already got a suit picked out for my meeting. It’s style is somewhere between Mrs. Malfoy and Regina Mills from Once Upon a Time. There will be no doubt that I’m going in there with my battle gear on to face the committee. We’re all supposed to be on the same side but it somehow feels like facing a firing squad; me against the school’s death committee.

I know that they will advise me to drug him to make their lives easier and to “help him be successful”. I don’t know if that’s the best course of action or not. It’s a lot of forward thinking I know. I’m only at stop one along the long road but I need to be ready for what’s waiting for us. The boy needs to know that I’m in his corner, wand and shield in hand, ready to fight for his well being and his right to be himself. I want him to be the best him he can be, as long as he doesn’t lose himself along the way, that’s all I can ask. We aren’t the first to be here and we won’t be the last. Time to see what step one brings us…

Day 28 – To Boldly Go

Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc. A few years ago, well now, several years ago I was in a rotten position. I’d been left alone with a child to raise, recently lost my job, and found myself without a place to live. It was a rough time to be sure. I was riding a long streak of low spirits and lower hope. I had spent a good year applying for jobs and while I had interviews, I was always left the bridesmaid hoping to catch the bouquet when the final decisions came down. It was frustrating.

I’d come from doing trade show graphics work and in relocating to a new county to stay with family, found all of those prospects nearly dried up. I applied everywhere I could. I tried for assistant positions, clerical positions, anything I could find. I had a son to raise after all. I interviewed at a few sign shops and decided to go for broke and try random things that always interested me. I had two interviews in the same week which I sort of phoned in by that point and gave up the results to fate. I ended up with two job offers on the same day. There was a world of difference between the two careers. I had a decision to make.

The first position was with a graphics supply company. I was familiar with the products and the place was nice and small. I would work with two other women taking orders and talking about graphics products. It was something I could do and the pay, though half of what I was used to making in my graphics shop, was enough to get things started on the right track. On the other hand, I had a random interview with a mortuary, which I had no previous experience with, but which I’d been drawn to for ages. I managed somehow to get that job at the same pay rate as the other. There were no clear incentives either way.

I don’t know what got into me. My sensible self told me to go with graphics. It was safe. I had experience. I could parlay that into maybe a similar position to my old job which was way more creative. There was something eating at me though. If I never went with my other interest, I would never know what it was like or of I could do it. I read somewhere that when faced with two possibilities, you should always take the bolder path.

So I did.

The next day after I’d turned down the job at the graphics company, the president of the company called me to ask me personally to reconsider. I remember telling him that I felt the need to go down a new road. I’ll never forget his stunned silence when he asked me what type of work I chose to do. Since then, everyone else has told me how perfect I am for the work I do, which I’m both flattered by and a bit taken aback by. I just know it would have eaten at me, taking the safe road.

I should really take my advice now since it feels like another one of those crossroads moments. Hopefully I’ll have a clear sign and something I love to move on to. In the meantime I’m quite fine being the quiet mortuary girl with the calming voice. If people only knew!